I will admit, this is one of those introspective posts, where I deep dive into my thoughts about big life decisions and changes.
On Friday, I had my consultation with my Surgeon and we discussed the ideal plan for me and the surgery. We spoke about the procedure, it will be a modified Circumferential Lipectomy (Also knows as: Body lift , Belt Lipectomy, and more) , the modified aspect of it is that I will not have the 360 incision, it will be closer to 310 degrees.
The surgery will take 4.5-5 hours and I will be in the Hospital for 2 days. Afterwards, I will be taken care of at home for a few days, and then have a few weeks off to recuperate. With my job changes and such, this makes for a perfect time to have this done, and the timeline works well for me.
The surgeon said that my skin was in good shape despite losing all the weight. He said the immortal words “What areas of your body are you concerned about.” and we talked about the areas of my concern. For me, they were the my belly, and the FUPA. The discussion was good, and frank, and from everything he said, it sounds like this will be a relatively routine surgery.
The surgeon was not of the “Nip/Tuck” world, and he was very good and professional. I was worried about any comments about shape and size or “the ideal” and pushing that… but there wasn’t any of it. he looked at me and offered what he felt was needed, and it always felt more like what I wanted rather what he thought I needed. It was good.
At the end of the Consultation, I felt really strong and excited about the procedure, and was pretty confident.
Then the thinking began.
Over the weekend, I have vacillated between excitement, dread, being terrified, and questioning if this is right for me.
The excitement comes from the Journey. The work I have put in over the last 15 months has culminated to this. By being diligent, working hard, being mindful, this procedure is the capstone of a lot of work and dedication to a new lifestyle and a new body.
My dread comes in the form of the procedure itself. It feels invasive, it feels major, and the recovery is not in days or a week like before, but weeks, and over a month. I dread the recovery time and the pain and the feeling incompetent.
Terrified. This is a big one. I worry about how I will look. The scars, the way I will feel. Will my skin feel the same? Will I feel odd? will the scars be so blatantly obvious? What if there is complications? The new shape of me… will I get used to it? Is is something I will start slavishly push?
And is this for me? Yes… deep down I know this is the last step in what I have worked for. I question because of my fear, I question because it is not “vital surgery.” It is something that swirls in my mind over and over.
This morning, I was speaking to my Husband about this. The way he framed it was in terms of this not being a separate procedure to the Bariatric surgery I had 15 months ago. He sees this as the Surgery at the other side of things. With that perspective, it feels a bit better. It is something that I have worked towards, but is still incomplete. I have changed, and my skin is apart of that change. And while the old stereotypes towards “plastic surgery” bang on in my mind, I have begun to learn to retrain myself and remind myself that This is a part of bariatric life, and to embrace it.
And so I am.
Still freaks me out a bit though.
Tomorrow, we will hopefully set a date for the surgery, and from there I will gear up for the next step!