Today is a great day. A few weeks ago, I was made redundant, The company, which I genuinely enjoy, has been awesome in helping me find a new job. They also gave me 4 weeks notice (which I think is required by law), so I have been working on getting a job.
And today, the offer came in, two days before my last day.
The job is a step up in responsibility, a step up in pay, and it is on the bleeding edge of technology, so I am pretty excited about the future.
In the last week, I have been patiently/impatiently waiting on the offer. For me, anticipation is a terrible feeling. I personally hate it. the pressure builds, and I find that I have all this nervous energy without a place for it to go. I wish for things to happen now, and to handle it. With the offer coming in today, it was literally seeping from my body, and the first thing I thought about was how to celebrate.
*Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream*
*The Tonight Dough*
As those thoughts entered my mind, it was a weird moment. I haven’t had ice cream in three months. In those three months, I have been on the straight and narrow. Now people will tell me, “WanderingExPat, it is ok, it is a treat!” but in reality, my head space is completely different at the moment. The old me would have already gone to the story, come home, and already broken out the ice cream, chomping down on the pint like no tomorrow, satisfied and happy that things are all right in the world. I got a raise, I got the job that I want, and it is exciting… time to eat to top this off.
New Me however reacted differently.
OK, do I want to eat ice cream and wipe out the last two days of weight loss? Ugh, I haven’t had significant sugar in three months, this will lay me out. Is the Ice Cream worth it?
And that was a pretty shocking honestly.
Food and emotion often go hand in hand. For me, I would often eat when I was sad, I eat when I was happy, I eat when I was bored, I eat when I was nervous, or stressed, or ansy, or… for anything. Food is that comfort, and that quiet supporter, because a pint of ice cream or a bucket of wings never judges me.
But using food to placate or enhance my emotions is toxic. Just like drinking to be happy, or drugs to feel normal, I need to make sure that food and emotions not mix so much anymore… at least in terms of a catalyst for me to eat something unhealthy.
So while I celebrate this day, there will be no Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream tonight.
I will have Ice Cream at some point, it will become that 2-3 times a year food I will have. But I am not breaking my streak yet. Not while I’m on a roll.