The Journey Update

I have been remiss in not giving a Journey Update in the last week. There were a lot of factors in that, so I will break them all down.

A Mini Plateau

So after hitting the heralded 40kgs lost, I did a small gain (1.5 kilos) over the next two days… and then nothing. At first, I figured it was because of my skipping walking for two days over Easter Weekend. Picked back up with walking, and still nothing. What was I doing wrong? What changed? Given that my surgery type, the normal range of weight loss is between 30-50 pounds (13.5 to 22.6 kgs), I know that I am in bonus territory here, however I don’t want to rest now that I have lost so much.

I bought a food scale, and I began looking much more strictly at my  caloric intake, and I found that my carb intake, while low, was arresting my weight loss. So, I Thursday, i shifted to a more Ketogenic Diet. When I was on the Liquid phase, as well as the puree and soft food phase, what was drilled in is that protein is vitally important in losing weight after surgery. I found that now, my percentage of protein I was eating was dropping a lot and being replaced by carbs. And while I was still eating, the percentages were putting me in maintain mode, and losing mode. Now, I am not doing a strict Keto diet, but since I am not drinking pop, eating candy, junk food, ice cream, take out, chocolate or drinking alcohol or anything other than water… I am already on a defacto Keto diet anyhow. Now, I am just prioritizing protein over everything else. By today, I am now at 42kgs lost, (92.5 pounds) and I am really hoping to hit the 100 pounds lost goal this week.

The Freak out

While on the mini plateau, I was also working on getting a new job. I have a very good opportunity in front of me, and I had a third interview last week, and while I am fairly confident I have the job, the time it is taking for them to get back to me (They say by this upcoming Wednesday) is driving me crazy. I have long hated the feeling of anticipation. (I wonder if there is a German word for that… hmmm), and coupled with the dislike of surprises, it makes me quite on edge. The freak out though, came when I went into my closet to find my clothes for my third interview. Interviews are those moments you want to impress, and I quickly found that I had used both of my wearable “work” pants for my interviews. In my current job, the dress code is very relaxed, jeans are fine, T shirts are fine, and people wear flipflops regularly. And why? Well… we are a tech company, and we are hip and cool!

This company however is definitely on the level of Business Casual+. No tie, but slacks (dress pants), and a button up shirt. They are Serious IT, enterprise IT. And honestly, I think I am ready for that enviornment again. Currently, I only wear business casual when I am in front of clients, and these days, most of my training in at home online, so I am in shorts and sweatshirts and no shoes. Currently, there is a gap in my wardrobe. I have 36 waist Khaki pants (which I don’t think would fly at this company anyhow) and then I have 2 pair of 40 waist slacks and the rest are 42-46’s.

My shirts are even worse. Of the nice, button up shirts I have, I have an amazing Ralph Lauren shirt… that is 14 years old. I have a couple of other shirts that fit me at this size, but a majority of them make me look like I am a kid wearing my daddy’s clothes. And they are all pretty old.

So now, I am already recycling my clothes for a job I don’t even have yet.

So I am looking at my wardrobe, and I panic. If I get this job, then I need to buy clothes immediately, but what if I am still losing weight? I don’t want to buy a new set of clothes only to size out of them in a month or two. Do I buy just enough to get me through until I get to my core weight? Is this my core weight? I am no longer losing… is this the end? Ugh, I don’t have the money right now to drop several hundred dollars on nice work clothes only to not be able to wear them… WHAT DO I DO!

This is lots of panic for me, and it ended up my my clothes strewn across the floor as I furiously try to figure out what still looks respectable on me.

I eventually calmed down, though the clothes are still recovering, but the thought is still sitting in the back of my mind. As I move out of my bigger clothes (which seem to grow in number every time I reevaluate), I see my wardrobe start to shrink again. And soon, I will need to confront my hesitancy of buying clothes, and the feelings surrounding buying clothes. You know that moment you find something you love and realise that you are too big for all the sizes, and you leave the store without buying anything because they have *nothing* in your size? Yeah… that stays with you for a while, especially when it becomes the norm.

Future Goals

But… on to better and more positive things!

So now having pretty much conquered 40kg, my new goal is to breach the 100 pound (45.3kgs) loss mark. It is a short term goal, especially given how close I am to it, but it is definitely an emotional goal for me. Losing 100 pounds in under three months is pretty insane, and in a way, I kinda want to achieve it. Right now, I have lost 25% of my body mass in that time, and that is kinda epic. breaching the 100 pound goal will make that go up to 29%, so that is pretty neat. The most I ever lost has been 110 pounds (~50kgs), so I feel that is also obtainable.

But I need more goals than that. Do I go for a number goal? Do I go for an event goal? I am unsure. With my wariness of setting a number I will obsess about reaching, I want to keep any numbered goal pretty easy, but I also want to challenge myself. Numbers are a good way to know where you stand, and it is also good to look at analytically. I have started thinking about 120, 115, and even 110kgs… but I am unsure I want to set those. The mythical 110 kg has been out of my reach my entire adult life, and even considering it makes me nervous even contemplating going for that goal.

And the event goal… that one will be a bit harder. When I had lost weight before, I would do something big: one time it was Bungee Jumping, another time, I did Tough Mudder, a third time, I didn’t really do an event and I kick myself for not doing anything.

So , I want to make sure I do something this time…

I am thinking of doing the Milford Track within the next year. I am considering doing it either during the general Christmas/New Years Shut down in New Zealand, or around my birthday right before Christmas. This has long been a dream of mine, and I had a couple of plans fall through in regards to it… but, I want to do it, badly. I want to take my camera and just get back to things that I love; seeing amazing places, be awed by nature, and take tons and tons of pictures. Walking to Milford Sound and then spending a night there on a boat, which, I think would be awesome, would be that special thing to push me even further in my overall weight (and now fitness) goals. I think the challenge is whether to do it on my own, or find someone to do it with. I could see myself doing it alone, but I would miss my husband and my dog, and it could be lonely. On the other hand, having a few days on my own, meeting new people, also may do me well, I am a hermit at the best of times, and getting myself out there would be good. There is stuff to think on there.

Of course, if Milford goes well, I could look at other things, but right now, I think that I will focus on Milford Track for now, and see where that take me.

This has been a long one, so I will close.  I have more to say, but I will save that for another post. So with that, take care, have fun, and be awesome.

-W

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