A bit demoralised today

Yesterday was my first day on Pureed foods, and I decided to celebrate with having a Banana Smoothie. Now before I jumped in, I looked up what would be a responsible Smoothie. I decided to go with 1 Banana, a Tablespoon of Peanut Butter, 100 Mils of milk, and 6 Ice Cubes.It comes out to about 200 calories.  Using my blender, I got it is a nice pureed state, and I had about 300 mils in total.

So, I proceeded in, about 10 minutes, to drink about 150 mils of it.

It was awesome.

Shortly after though, things started to go haywire. I felt nauseous, but not to the point of throwing up. I felt full, but not bursting, and there was no pain, but I got foggy in the head, and very tired. And I pretty much passed out on the couch for about two hours. During that time, I had weird, upsetting dreams… nothing that I quite remember, but I do remember the emotions and feelings. I woke up, still foggy, my stomach gassy. I went to the bathroom, and decided to lay down after a bout of slight dizziness when I stood up. About a hour later, I was feeling clear in the head again, but the gas continued for the rest of the evening.

I haven’t eaten since (I have no desire to).

I spoke with a friend last night who had the Sleeve surgery (similar but slightly different to mine) and he gave me the bad news: This may be a reaction to something you ate, and maybe you should avoid it. My heart sank. Bananas are one of my favorite foods, and it is often one that I gravitate to when I am told to have fruits. He says that there is a lot of re-learning to my body, but if Bananas of all things make me feel bad, then… this is going to be harder than I thought. I also think that the influx of sugar, after… weeks of not having it, probably did a number on me, so I may need to avoid that for the near term… which again, while good, is kinda devastating. Luckily, I am not diabetic, so I can cross that worry off, but still. Being sugar free is alright (Thanks Sarah Wilson)  but it is nice to have a fucking smoothie.

In reality, I have very few vices. Food honestly was my biggest vice, and (rightly) it is gone. I don’t drink (I have been dry for over a month, and could care less), I don’t smoke cigarettes. I have been sober and not eating much for a better part of a month now, and I am feeling…. tired and grumpy.

Oh god, I am Kate McCartney.

I should likely stick to proteins for the next bit, the pureed foods I ordered last week will help with that, but this portents some huge worry for me. I have 4 weeks until I am on solid foods again, and I desperately hope that when I get there, I can still have a Banana.

I am sure I will come to terms with it, but for right now, I feel like I have been punched in the gut.

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