So, this blog is not going to be all about politics. I think if it were, it would get boring after a bit. So, let me introduce to you my big project of this year: my weight.
Being a guy and talking about weight is almost always a weird thing. It takes a certain amount of certainty and ability to be vulnerable to talk about something as personal as weight, and I find that it is almost always best to be honest and open. And for me, that is to talk about my journey through obesity.
From the time I was 16 or so, I have been large, but over the last 10 years, I have had a complicated relationship with food, my weight, and my self-esteem. About 8 years ago, I started thinking about my weight in an unhealthy way. I was big (over 300lbs/140kgs) and my way to combat that weight was to take drastic measures. In short, I starved myself and exercised myself into the ground. I got to about 245lbs/115Kgs, and stopped, my body not wanting to lose any more. From that point, I started a long yo-yoing of my weight. Three times I was able to get to the 245/115 range, but could never keep it there.
Last week, I was at my highest weight ever. 168kgs (370 lbs) which… is daunting.
I say last week, because I am in the process of having a procedure. The procedure is called Endoscopic Sleeve Gastroplasty, and it is a relatively new procedure to facilitate weight loss. The decision to do this was long and difficult, but I after years of fighting my body, I feel that I need to take a different approach. The old way wasn’t working. Last week was my doctors visit and during that, he weighed me. The number hit me square in the face.
“Fuck, I’m really fat” I said to myself.
Of course that is the whole point in taking this procedure. It is for me to take control of that number again, and help me achieve a better lifestyle. Everything is good, and the doctor brings up the Pre-Procedure diet, to get me ready for the procedure (being lighter will help with anesthetic and things overall) but also begin to get me ready for the reduced portion control that I am going to start living with.
So, he prescribes me Optifast I need to eat it for about two weeks before the procedure, so on Tuesday, I began my regime.
And can I tell you… Optifast is not the most flavourful food out there. They come in four products: Bars, Shakes, Soups, and Desserts. For my first round, I got the Berry Bars, The Banana Shakes (and a “variety pack”), and the Vegetable Soup.
FWIW, the Berry Bars are not bad, though they do taste funny, they do help with hunger and it allows me to work on my day. The Shakes are not terrible either. I have had whey protein shakes when I was working out a ton, and they are passable.
The Soup though is an abomination. Talk about choking down barely edible stuff. That stuff is TERRIBLE. I now have 5 sachels of soup dust that I will never ever eat again. this unfortunately has made me run through my bars too quickly, though today, I did find some Chocolate bars, and I suspect that will help a lot.
Anyhow, from the doctors meeting last week and today (8 days) I have lost 8 Kilos (17 pounds) which is a nice feeling. There is a part of me that goes “see, that was easy, just keep it up!” but then I am reminding myself, I am currently on a weight loss diet that is unsustainable. Sure it is good for a week or two, but I couldn’t maintain this long term, and that is a healthy thing to remind myself.
The other thing I am noticing is that I tend to pace when I am hungry. Right now, I am slightly hungry, but know I cannot eat for another couple of hours. I find myself wandering into the kitchen, opening the fridge and staring at the contents. Then I go to the Pantry and open it, and stare. Not for long, and I don’t have hard urges, but I know it is generally not something I should do. So the goal there is to try and avoid that.
But… overall, I am starting on the journey. 8Kgs down and many to go, it feels good now, but I know this is just the beginning and it will get harder. I am sure you will hear all about it in good time. But for now. Take care, and have a great weekend!